dead

ahh... today i didnt go for service. Well... parents again... when i watched the online service..
and i'm too dead to do colour codes. noticed that whenever i do a late night post its 10.58

I'm very defeated right now. to say the truth i dont even think i can pick myself up anymore. I cant see the light of God ahead of me now. Now i'm watching youtube.. God of my forever.

Its amazing how pastor Kong's words can really juz encourage me. "Jesus reigns. He reigns in the good times and the bad times. Nothing happens in our lives, that will ever shake God one inch from
His throne. Jesus reigns. "

shivers down my spine. Holy spirit all descending.. But i cant pick myself up... i thought walking the christian walk was filled with tribulations. But not until i keep getting defeated, over and over again.i dont even have the time to even recover from my fall.

I just hope that i'll look back one day and smile back at what happened. seems quite impossible..
i dont think i can go on anymore.